The Rocky Horror Idiot Show
by creativepurpleglitter
Summary: When two disembodied voices and a criminologist named Clare decide to take over the Idiots' lives for a day, the Idiots find themselves in a whirlwind rendition of Rocky Horror.
1. Suburban Fiction, Double Feature

**Disclaimer: I do not own American Idiot or Rocky Horror. Obviously. OOH, WHAT'S THAT?**

**Tunny: Could you tell me how to get to *I stop listening because HOLY SHEEP, TUNNY'S IN MY ROOM!***

**Me: CAN I OWN YOU?**

**Tunny: No.**

**Me: It was worth a shot.**

"Suburban Fiction, Double Feature"

St. Jimmy was ill the day Heather got knocked up by Will

But Johnny hadn't found him yet

And Tunny was there in just his underwear

John Gallagher, Jr. was replaced by Van

Then something went wrong for the girls and Favorite Son

They got caught in a television set

Then with an angry frown, they came from Jingletown

And this is how the message ran

Suburban fiction, double feature

Whatsername hides behind the bleachers

See soldiers flying in aerial dreams

Some fans wish that Johnny would switch teams

At the late night, double feature, live action show

I know Scott J. Campbell is hotter in aerial

Than he is when he's just on the ground

And I really got hot when I saw Jimmy shot

Himself, but there wasn't a sound

Theo said that hollow lies keep us from our lives

And to dream and differ took lots of skill

But leaving Jingletown behind, said Johnny without snide

Gave him more than some terrible thrills like a

Suburban fiction, double feature

Whatsername hides behind the bleachers

See soldiers flying in aerial dreams

Some fans wish that Johnny would switch teams

At the late night, double feature, live action show

I wanna go…

To the late night, double feature, live action show

**A/N: I know how horrible this is. It's been a long, long time since I've written anything like this, but I just really couldn't resist. None of this, of course, is to be taken seriously. 'Tis all a parody about my top two musicals at the moment. Thanks.**


	2. Dammit, Extraordinary Girl

One of her friends was getting married to some loser neither of them knew, and she would really appreciate it if he came with her.

Rose: I'M SURE SHE WOULD!

Me: Rose, that's not even the line. There's nothing Rocky Horror-like about this yet other than the fact that it starts at a wedding for other people.

Rose: It's almost the line.

Me: Whatever. Just behave yourself.

Tunny and his girlfriend, the Extraordinary Girl (whose name turned out to be Emma Weiss), both thought the wedding was extremely boring and cliché. But it meant a lot to Betty Monroe that her fellow nurse and her "dreamy, veteran boyfriend" (Tunny understood that he was a little old to be listening to his girlfriend's phone calls, but Betty Monroe was so damn hilarious to listen to.) be there to watch her get married. Things were dull and expected until the wedding concluded. Then, the events became increasingly more entertaining.

It all started with the rice.

Looking around, Tunny tried to pinpoint the person who was throwing the rice, but there was no culprit to be found. It seemed to be coming from a disembodied force. But was that even possible?

Rose: Wait… you mean they can't see me?

Me: I'm afraid not, dear one.

Rose: WHAT IS THIS?

Me: Trust me. It's better this way.

Rose: You always say that, and it's never true.

Me: Just take my word for it this time, alright?

Rose: Fine.

"Are you seeing this rice?" Emma asked.

"Are you hearing these voices coming from out of nowhere?" Tunny asked her.

"Yeah, I am. They sound angry."

"They also sound familiar. Like… no, that couldn't be."

"What couldn't be?"

"Does this seem a little like that Rocky Horror thing to you?"

"Well, I guess a little bit. Her name is Betty Monroe, and she did just marry a guy named Ralph Hapschatt."

"Could that be a coincidence?"

"I'm going to say so."

There was a chorus of annoying yelps and cheers surrounding the bride, which meant it was time for Betty to throw the bouquet. Secretly, Tunny hoped that Emma caught it. It would assist in his plans to propose to her that night.

Rose: I MISS ASSHOLE AND SLUT!

Me: Why can't you get used to the fact that this time, these two are Asshole and Slut?

Rose: Because!

Me: That's a weak argument if I ever heard one.

Rose: Don't you start giving me a refresher course in the first week of philosophy!

Me: Speaking of a refresher course, let's continue with the story, shall we?

Rose: FINE!

"Okay, you guys, this is it!" Betty screeched at the top of her lungs. "Are you ready?"

"Looks like Betty's about to throw her bouquet," Ralph Hapschatt mused aloud, appearing behind Tunny from out of absolutely nowhere.

"You don't say?" Tunny asked sarcastically, but Ralph Hapschatt didn't seem to pick up on it. Instead, he just laughed stupidly and clapped his hand uncomfortably on Tunny's shoulder.

"Do I know you?" Ralph Hapschatt wondered with an irritatingly polite tone in his voice.

"No. No, you really don't."

Saving him from a painfully awkward conversation with the presumably most boring man on the scene, Emma danced back to her boyfriend with an array of flowers in her clutches.

"I got it!" she cried. "I got it!"

Ralph Hapschatt gave a creepy grin and inappropriately suggested to Tunny, "Hey, man, looks like it could be your turn next, eh?"

Rose: THAT'S RACIST!

Me: Excuse me?

Rose: He obviously only used eh because Scott J. Campbell is Canadian!

Me: Okay, there are so many things wrong with what you just said. First of all, I don't think you can be racist against someone who's Canadian. Second of all, that's not Scott, even though I wish it was. It's Tunny. Scott wouldn't be an amputee for the same reason Tunny is.

Rose: You are not fun.

Me: You're very right.

Through gritted teeth, Tunny answered Ralph Hapschatt with, "Who knows?" It sounded rude, but he didn't care just so long as he left him alone so he could propose to Emma.

It worked, because immediately after, Ralph Hapschatt replied in a half-offended tone, "Well, so long. See you, Tunny."

He walked away, and as soon as he was out of earshot, Tunny erupted with laughter.

"Don't be a dick," Emma snapped.

"Me? Me, don't be a dick? Did you see that guy? He walked right up to me and talked to me like he'd known me for ten years!"

"Okay, I admit it was a little odd. But he was just trying to be polite. It's his wedding day. Cut him a break."

"What do you want me to do? Act like an awkward nerd? Because I could totally do that. I could tell you that it was wonderful, that Betty looked just radiantly beautiful. I could tell you all that bullshit if it would make you happy."

"I see your point."

"Hey, this is kind of fun. I'm gonna keep doing it. An hour ago, she was plain old Betty Monroe, and now she's still plain, but she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt! Can it get much better than that?"

"Tunny, you don't even know Betty. If you did, you'd know that Ralph is a lucky guy."

"Yeah, he has to live fifty or sixty years with that voice. I'm just saying."

"Can you please be a little gracious? People are starting to stare. And I haven't heard the disembodied voices in a while, so maybe you alienated them, too."

"Like hell I did. But I'll try to be gracious. Lord knows Betty's probably a wonderful cook, and Ralph Hapschatt is probably in line for a promotion on East 12 Street in a year or two."

"Exactly."

Rose: DO IT, TUNNY! DO IT!

Me: Rose, what are you talking about?

Rose: I'm encouraging him to propose.

Me: Did you bring the CD?

Rose: I don't leave the house without it.

Me: Go ahead and play it, then.

Rose: YAY!

From out of absolutely nowhere, music began to play. It sounded semi-familiar, but Tunny couldn't exactly place what it was from. Nonetheless, he decided to roll with it and listen to what the disembodied voice was telling him to do.

"Hey, Emma," he started.

"Yes, Tun?" she asked.

"I've got something to say."

"Uh-huh?"

"I really love the…

Rose: Starts with an S, try skillful…

"Skillful way…

Rose: WHAT A FUCKING GENIUS!

"You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet."

In a mimicking way, Emma finished it out with a giggle. The music began to swell, which confused and angered Tunny. He didn't understand why his life always had to be a musical of some sort. Like before, however, he decided to go with it.

"The training was steep, but I did it!" he sang.

"EMMA!" the disembodied voices called back.

"I'm singing to you again, but I don't get it!"

"EMMA!"

"I wonder why I can't seem to can it."

"EMMA!"

"I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Emma, I love you."

Tunny ignored the fact that none of what he was saying rhymed with Emma. If it was supposed to be that way, then he wouldn't fight it. Either way, Emma seemed to be enjoying it.

"The war, it sucked, but I fought it."

"EMMA!"

"There was a gash on my face, and you mend it!"

"EMMA!"

"If there's one girl for drool, than you are it!"

*awkwardly* "EMMA…"

"I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Emma, I love you!"

Grabbing the ring out of his back pocket, Tunny realized that his palms were exceptionally sweaty, and he ended up dropping it on the ground. As he scrambled to pick it up, he kept singing, hoping that it would smooth everything out.

"Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker," he continued. "There's three ways that love can grow. That's good, bad, or induced by drugs…. oh E-M-M-A, I love you so!"

He recovered the ring, slipped it on her ring finger, and she dashed into the church to marvel over it. Now, it was her turn to sing.

"Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had!" she exclaimed loudly.

"Oh, Tun!" the disembodied voices giggled girlishly.

"Now we're engaged and I'm so glad!"

"Oh, Tun!"

"That you have arms and your leg's not so bad!"

*awkwardly again* "Oh, Tun!"

"I've one thing to say and that's Tun, I'm mad for you, too!"

Rose: Hey, this Emma, are you jealous that Emma is marrying your man?

Me: SHUT UP!

"Oh, Tunny!" that Emma sang.

"Oh… dammit it…"

"I'm mad!"

"Oh… Emma…"

"For you…"

"I love you, too…"

"There's one thing left to do!"

Rose: This Emma, have you per chance outlined ALL of your characters?

Me: No.

Rose: Then this line isn't going to make any sense.

Me: You think I don't know that.

Rose: Just checking.

"And that's not see the man who began it!" Tunny supplied.

"EMMA!"

"When we met in his medical exam-it!"

"EMMA!"

"Made me give you the eye, but not panic."

"EMMA!"

"I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Emma, I love you."

Rose: You're not very good at character mapping.

Me: It's not my fault that one play has seven principal roles and the other has ten.

Rose: You suck.

"Dammit Emma!"

"Oh, Tun, I'm mad!"

"Dammit Emma!"

"I love you!"

Rose: Does this mean…

Me: Yes, it means…

Rose: Is he…

Me: Not exactly.

Randomly, Tunny and Emma had a sudden picture of a girl with short, brown hair sitting in a library, smoking a pipe, and obviously trying to look like a genius.

"What the fuck is that?" Tunny asked.

"I don't know," Emma answered. "But the voices seem to get it."

"Damn voices."

Me: TUNNY! I AM AWESOME!

Rose: Behave yourself.

Me: Touché.

The girl in the library, whose name was Clare, began to speak in a very poor imitation of Charles Grey from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

"I would, I like, if I may," she commenced, "to take you on a very strange journey. It seemed a very ordinary night when Tunny Sands"

Rose: ASSHOLE!

Me: WATCH WHO YOU CALL ASSHOLE!

Rose: I'm just getting into the spirit of things like you told me to!

"And his girlfriend, Emma Weiss"

Rose: SLUT!

"Two young, extraordinary, one of which was an amputee, kids left Jingletown that late November evening"

Rose: IT WAS FEBRUARY 2!

"To visit someone the author hasn't yet decided on. It's true, there were dark storm clouds."

"Huh?" Tunny wondered. Suddenly, dark storm clouds formed above his head.

"Oh, okay."

"Heavy, black, and pendulous, toward which they were driving," the criminologist finished out.

"Wait… are we in the car?" Emma asked. Within a second of her inquiry, they found themselves in a car with Tunny driving toward the storm clouds.

"I guess we are," he said. "This sucks, not being able to run your own life."

"It's true also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, but they being normal kids and on a night out, well… they weren't going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening."

"We are not NORMAL KIDS!" Tunny shouted at the voice/picture he couldn't get out of his head. "I'm a fucking amputee, and I don't even know why I'm driving this car in a storm! Normal kids don't have random voices dictate their lives!"

"Will you relax?" Emma asked, losing patience. "The voices are obviously here for a reason."

Rose: Oh, don't we know it…

Me: Rose, don't ruin the surprise.

"On a night out...it was a night out... ...they were going to remember"

Rose: FOR HOW LONG?

"For a very long time."

A/N: Wow. That was also horrible. Ha. I wanted to make some notes about this. I tried to rewrite a whole song so everything WOULD rhyme with Emma, but it's late, and that was really difficult. I'm sorry I'm probably completely butchering two of the greatest musicals ever. Also, I know a lot of people named Extraordinary Girl after Christina Sajous, and that's cool. I just decided to name her Emma because… that's MY name. And if Extraordinary Girl gets to be with Tunny, I might as well put a bit of myself there. :D


	3. Caught with a Flat

**A/N: This is such a weird story, isn't it? Ha, remember, I haven't written a fic in years, so be nice about this legitimately insane one. :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own American Idiot or Rocky Horror. Tunny still won't let me own him… dagnabit. **

Because they were in the car against their wills, Tunny decided to turn on the radio, because it seemed to be the only thing the disembodied voices weren't controlling.

_Rose: Ooh, but we control the radio, too!_

_Me: He doesn't have to know that we picked the exact station he's going to turn it to._

_Rose: He can hear every word that we're saying! I think he's figured it out._

_Me: Shut up!_

"Can you still hear those voices?" Emma inquired.

"Yeah, I can," Tunny answered. "And they're annoying as fuck. The one thinks she controls the radio. She doesn't!"

"Maybe she does. Do you remember the station you turned it to?"

"…No…"

"See? The voices are more in charge than you think."

"Wonderful."

The voices had selected a station playing the representative part of Green Day's "Holiday". They decided to be nice and not play the Broadway version because they knew it would freak Tunny and Emma out even more if they heard an extremely familiar voice from their lives on the radio.

"Zieg Heil to the president gasman

Bombs away is your punishment

Pulverize the Eiffel towers

Who criticize your government

Bang, bang goes the broken glass

Kill all the fags that don't agree

Trials by fire, setting fire

Is not a way that's meant for me

Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws, yeah

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

This is our lives on holiday."

"That sounds pretty familiar," Tunny remarked as the song ended. "But I'm sure it's just a coincidence, just like everything else that's happening right now."

_Rose: This man is an idiot! Does he seriously not know where we're taking him right now?_

_Me: All in due time, Rosie. _

_Rose: Well, I think it sucks. And I'm going to come up with a callback name for him that's worse than Asshole._

_Me: You do that._

Looking out the window, Emma said, "Oh, this is the third motorcycle we've passed. Wait, why do I care about that?"

"I don't know," Tunny shrugged. "It's those damn voices."

_Rose: For your information, Nurse, that was the FIRST motorcycle! Nurses can't count!_

_Me: Isn't the line "Sluts can't count"?_

_Rose: No. It isn't anymore. Her callback name is Nurse._

_Me: Well, okay. That makes more sense than Slut._

_Rose: Just doing my job._

"Probably," Emma agreed. "But now that I think about it, they do take their lives into their own hands by riding motorcycles in this weather."

_Rose: Maybe they'll become amputees, too! And in that case, maybe you'll want to screw them, too!_

_Me: Rose!_

_Rose: I am just saying!_

"No!" Emma shrieked at the voices.

"I'm sorry about the voices, Emma," Tunny apologized for what he wasn't responsible for. "But those motorcycle guys are just trying too hard to have fun. Life's pretty cheap for that type."

_Rose: War vets! They think they're so cool!_

"What do you want me to say?" Tunny asked of no one to be seen.

"Who are you talking to?" Emma wondered.

"One of the voices… the one that's less annoying… she said that I should say that we must have taken a wrong turn a few miles back."

"Well, did we?"

"How the hell should I know? I don't even know where we're going!"

"Well, if the voices say we took a wrong turn, I guess we did. They seem to know what they're doing."

"Yeah, but the question is, is that to our benefit?"

_Rose: AMPUTEE!_

_Me: Is that his new, more insulting callback name?_

_Rose: Yep._

_Me: Wow. You actually did think of something worse than Asshole._

_Rose: In his case, I sure did._

"Whatever," Emma sighed. "Can we take a turn back?"

"I'll try."

But as Tunny attempted to turn the car around, there was a loud bang from outside the car. He was very close to getting out of the car and chasing the disembodied voices because he knew it was their fault they were just caught with a flat.

"What was that bang?" Emma inquired with concern.

"We must have a blowout, dammit!" Tunny snapped, more at the voices than at Emma's childish question.

_Rose: Janet!_

_Me: That only works if her name is Janet._

_Rose: No, I'm pretty sure it works whenever I say it works._

"I knew we should have fixed that spare tire," he grumbled.

_Rose: AMPUTEE!_

"Well, you just stay here, and I'll go for help," he said as he made his way out of the car.

"Uh, where are you going?" Emma asked, losing her patience with the voices as well. "We're in the middle of nowhere, and the voices haven't told us about any place that's civilized."

_Rose: HEY, AMPUTEE! WHAT'S WHITE AND SELLS HAMBURGERS?_

"The voices were laughing about some castle or something that we passed earlier," Tunny said. "Maybe they have a phone we can use."

_Rose: CASTLES DON'T HAVE PHONES, AMPUTEE!_

"Well, I'm going with you," Emma told him firmly. "I still don't trust that leg of yours, and I'm the one who can fly."

"Were those two things really necessary to mention?"

"Yes, they were! I'm coming with you!"

_Rose: Or without you!_

"Besides, darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman."

_Rose: Or a needle in the vein of the establishment!_

_Me: That was too wordy._

_Rose: I know._

"And you might never come back again."

Between the voices controlling absolutely everything they did and the flat tire (which he also guessed was because of the seemingly omniscient voices), Tunny started aimlessly kicking the useless tire with his real leg.

_Rose: Why not use your bionic leg, Amputee?_

_Me: Rose. Just because it's not natural doesn't mean it's bionic._

_Rose: I'm pretty sure it does._

_Me: Whatever._

"You want me to what?" Emma spat at the voices.

"What are they asking you to do now?"

"They want me to start singing 'Over at the Frankenstein Place'. I'm not Janet- we're not even distantly related, even though we have the same last name. I'm not going to start singing such an ironically optimistic song, because obviously, that's not what this is going to turn into!"

_Rose: I thought nurses were smarter than this._

"She's plenty smart!" Tunny offered a retort, despite the fact that it was a very weak one.

"Let's just refrain from commenting on what the voices are saying and see if there's a phone in this castle we can use. Speaking of being at this castle, where the fuck are we, anyway?"

For the first time, Tunny and Emma were relieved to see Clare the Criminologist. She was, after all, about to explain to them where the squawking voices had forced them to go.

"And so it seemed that fortune had smiled about Tunny and Emma, and that they had found assistance in their plight required… or had they?"

Clare's tone of foreshadowing voice both frightened and befuddled Emma. Now more than previously, she was getting the sense that she was about to embark on her own rendition of _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_. And she really wasn't prepared for something that extravagant.

"Oh, Tunny, let's go back!" she offered desperately. "I'm cold, and this is creepy."

_Rose: Why does Emma have a condom in her hair?_

Confused, Emma lifted her right hand to her head and pulled off plastic that had randomly appeared on top of her hair. She didn't think she'd need one of those until she was at least eighty-seven and went to church three times a week.

"How the hell did this even get here?" she seethed. "I'm not an old woman! And I'm not Janet, either."

"The voices stop at nothing," Tunny sighed at the disappointing truth. "Apparently, they control wardrobe now, too."

_Me: Um, I don't control wardrobe. If I did, you wouldn't be wearing a shirt right now._

_Rose: Emma!_

_Me: It's true._

"Can we possibly prosecute the voices for sexual harassment?" Emma (as in the Extraordinary Girl, not the author/master dictator) was curious.

"Nope, they're not of sound, mind, _and_ body."

_Rose: Catch us if you can! Oh, by the way, you should probably enter this random castle right about now._

"Emma?" Tunny asked, not wanting to do anything that would upset his girlfriend even further.

"Fine," she allowed. "Just don't be surprised when my hunch is correct."

"It'll just be a moment. They may have a phone, I'll use it, and everything will be alright."

_Rose: Hey, Tunny! Did you ever wonder why you need a phone in this nation under a new media, where you and Emma obviously have cell phones?_

"You know what?" he replied to the more irksome voice. "I was actually just thinking about that. Where did they go? I could have sworn we had them this morning."

_Me: We stole them when you weren't looking. Don't worry, you'll get them back once this rendezvous is over._

"Rendezvous?" Emma repeated with stress in her voice. "I knew my hunch was right!"

_Me: You know nothing. I refuse to spoil the surprise. _

_Rose: Oh, and Tunny, this Emma is taking pictures of her face and saving them to your phone. Just so you know._

"Are you sure they're _appropriate_ pictures?" that Emma sneered.

_Rose: Please, you don't know this Emma. She's a 4.2 nerd. They're appropriate pictures._

"Well, I'll just pretend like that's not one of the creepiest things I've ever heard," Tunny said, attempting to be blasé. "I'm going to ring this doorbell now, if no one has any qualms about that."

_Rose: Even if anybody did have qualms about that, we wouldn't listen to them._

Mostly against his will, Tunny rang the doorbell, and he was shocked when he saw who answered it. In all of his flannel glory, Johnny stood in the other side of the doorway, smirking menacingly at his long-time best friend.

"Hello, Tunny," he greeted him in a capacity that was much smoother than normal for Johnny.

"Uh, hi," Tunny responded awkwardly. "Johnny, where the fuck are we?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"… Okay. Anyway, since you're here for whatever reason, maybe you could help Emma and me out. Our car broke down a few miles up the road, and these annoying, disembodied voices that have been following us around all day stole our phones, so we can't call for help. Can we use yours?"

Instead of answering the question, Johnny scanned Tunny and Emma up and down as if he'd never seen them before. Moments passed before he even gave any reply.

"You're wet," he pointed out.

_Rose: No shit, Sherlock!_

"Yes, it's raining," Emma pointed out the more obvious fact.

_Rose: No shit, Shirley!_

"Well, I guess you'd better come inside," Johnny said. "I've been hearing disembodied voices all day, too, and one of them just told me to let you in. They also set up a whole agenda for me this morning. I don't really know what it's supposed to mean, but it sounds kind of fun, so I'm just going to roll with it."

_Rose: You can start by ceasing to act like Johnny and starting to act like what I described in that thorough essay I left for you!_

"Alright, alright, I will!" Johnny snapped back. "Christ! Paranoid… I'm supposed to act paranoid."

Acting as if that made any sense at all, Emma tried to comfort Johnny.

"You're too kind," she assured him.

When he wasn't listening, she pulled on Tunny's arm and hissed to him, "Okay, I was totally right! The voices want us to recreate _Rocky Horror_ right here, right now! We can't do that!"

"Emma, you don't know that's true," Tunny tried to straighten her out. "Johnny's just a bit of a freak."

"Yes, but the disembodied voices have obviously given him a role to play! What else do you think this place is?"

"Knowing Johnny, it could be anywhere. I'm guessing he crashed some kind of hunting lodge for rich assholes."

Rejoining the conversation, Johnny directed them.

"This way."

"Uh, Johnny, are you having a party?" Emma inquired, hopeful that this was all some sort of game Tunny had set up to announce their engagement.

"You've arrived on a very special night," Johnny spoke, not really answering Emma's question. "It's one of Master's affairs."

She looked at Tunny and mouthed, _Master_?

_I don't know!_ he mouthed back.

"Oh," Emma chortled anxiously. "Lucky him."

Suddenly, a girl Emma and Tunny had never seen before popped up and clung to the banister. She had a wild look about her, which only further supported Emma's theory.

"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!" she cackled with crazed joy.

"You must be Whatsername!" Tunny exclaimed his epiphany.

"True indeed," she replied, still hugging the banister.

"Tunny, you really don't understand this, do you?" Emma asked in utter peril. "If I know the _Rocky Horror_ sequence of events, they're going to expect us to do the Time Warp now. And when they do, you can't tell me my theory isn't right."

_Rose: DO THE TIME WARP!_

**A/N: This story makes me laugh really, really hard. It's pretty much the worst/best thing I've ever written. But I love it. 3**


	4. The Time Warp

"I told you!" Emma shouted, but her voice was drowned out by Johnny as he started to sing the most renowned tune in _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_.

"It's astounding, time is fleeting," he began.

Madness takes its toll.

But listen closely…"

Whatsername cut in with, "Not for very much longer."

"I've got to keep control," Johnny concluded. The tempo picked up, and he sang just as the disembodied voices directed him to.

"I remember doing the Time Warp!

_Rose: KICK! KICK!_

"Drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me…"

_Rose: We know Johnny knows all about _those_…_

He and Whatsername teamed up to sing, "And the voice would be calling…"

Seconds later, they flung open the door behind them and revealed a gaggle of suburban kids dressed in outlandish costumes. Above their heads was a poorly constructed banner that read: _ANNUAL TRANSYLVANIAN CONVENTION_ for reasons (to everyone except the voices) unknown.

"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!" everyone sang. "LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"

Out of nowhere, which was becoming fairly predictable, Clare the Criminologist appeared and declared, "It's just a jump to the left!"

As she faded away, the "Transylvanians" added, "And then a step to the ri-i-i-i-ight!"

Clare showed up once more to say, "With your hands on your hips!" before she faded away and the Transylvanians sang, "You bring your knees in tight! But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane! Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Responding not so sweetly to this musical display, Emma poked Tunny in the chest and scolded him with, "I told you I was right!"

"It isn't my fault we're here!" he jumped to his own defense. "The voices would have made sure we got here, anyway!"

Whatsername faced Tunny and Emma and continued with what was apparently her verse of the song.

"It's so dreamy

Oh, fantasy, free me!

So you can't see me

No, not at all!

_Rose: Where do you buy your plaid skirts?_

"In another dimension with voyeuristic intention

Where secluded… I see all."

Johnny joined in again with, "With a bit of the mind flip…"

"You're into the time slip!" Whatsername finished.

"And nothing can ever be the same."

"You're spaced out on sensation!"

"Like you're under sedation!"

"Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

And, true to their words, everyone except for Tunny and Emma did the Time Warp again.

"It's just a jump to the left!" Clare exclaimed.

"And then a step to the ri-i-i-i-ight!"

"With your hands on your hips!"

"You bring your knees in tight! But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane! Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Suddenly, Tunny and Emma noticed another familiar face in the room of alleged Transylvanians. It was Heather, Will's ex-girlfriend, and she was dressed in a glittery blazer, gold top hat, and tap shoes. By the look on her face, it looked as if the voices were going to force her to break into song, too.

"Well, I was walking down the street just a-having a think

When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink!

He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise

He had a pick-up truck and the devil's eyes!

He stared at me and I felt a change.

Time meant nothing, never would again!"

And, for the third time, the chorus rolled around.

"Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Clare shouted, "It's just a jump to the left!"

"And then a step to the ri-i-i-i-ight!"

"With your hands on your hips!"

"But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane! Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"

Heather broke out into a tap solo, but it seemed beyond her control. Nonetheless, it was surprisingly well done. One of the control-freak voices hadn't taken ten years of tap lessons for nothing. Once her solo was through, everyone fell to the ground like beached whales.

_Rose: HARPOON THEM!_

Because there were no harpoons in sight, and because it was the only time they seemed to be able to refuse a voice's request, Emma and Tunny just stood there, gaping at the scene in disbelief.

"Say something," Emma commanded.

Without thinking, Tunny said, "Uh… anybody here know how to Madison?" He paused shortly before adding, "Wait, why the hell did I just say that?"

_Me: Because I told you to, and I love you!_

_Rose: Right, like that's not creepy at ALL._

_Me: Shut up, Rose. _

_Rose: No. Hey, Tunny! That might be a little difficult for you to do with your bionic leg!_

"Oh, please," Emma snorted. "Let's just ignore the voices and get out of here."

"That obviously can't be done," Tunny reminded her. "Keep a grip on yourself and just try to make it through this hellhole."

"But this isn't even a healthy experience for anyone involved!"

"It's just some type of trip, I'm sure. If Johnny's involved, that's probably what it's got to be."

"I thought Johnny wasn't like that anymore?"

_Rose: Oh, please, Nurse. We're in charge here. For the rest of the night, Johnny is who we say he is._

"But that's not possible!" Emma shouted at the voice. "That… he killed that! It wasn't even real!"

_Rose: *laughs uncontrollably because she knows something Emma doesn't* You better watch what you refer to as _it_. You could just be wrong._

"Whatever!" she hissed. "It doesn't change the fact that I want to get out of here."

"Well, we can't go anywhere because they won't let us, and they took our phones. So, I need to make a call. And if I don't make a call, we don't have any way to get home."

"I can FLY!"

_Rose: Not tonight, you can't!_

"That figures. Tunny, just ask Johnny if you can use his phone. Then, we'll be out of here, and we won't have to go through the horror part of _Rocky Horror_."

"Could that really be so bad? I mean, I saw the movie."

"Were you paying ANY attention to it?"

"I guess."

"It was pretty bad!"

"I'm sure this will all come to a stop sooner or later. Besides, it's not like we've come across a… a…"

"You know what it is, so just say it."

"Maybe I know what it is, but that doesn't make it any less disturbing."

"Exactly! I'm cold, wet, annoyed, and scared!"

"As long as I'm here, everything's okay."

_Rose: Hey, Nurse! Amputee! You might want to take a look around!_

But Emma and Tunny didn't get the chance to look around. Unbeknownst to them, they'd been gradually walking backwards into an elevator as they were arguing. And the second the voice interrupted their conversation, their backs slammed against it. Emma was first to whirl around, and when she saw what stood behind her, she screamed.

**A/N: Ha, this is seriously great fun for me to write. You don't even know. I'm sorry about the second chapter being all hard to read. The website somehow screwed up the format. The audience participation lines should be in italics, and I forgot, there's no indentation. :P Anyway, I think we've all figured out what's going to happen next, but either way, right? :) **


	5. Sweet Transvestite

What Emma and Tunny saw when they turned around was a guy with spiked black hair, what seemed like ten pounds of eyeliner, and other makeup that a man should never wear. He wasn't, however, dressed like a man. He was in a leotard, fishnets, and four inch, silver heels.

"Is that _Jimmy_?" Tunny asked in disbelief. "But I thought Johnny said he got rid of him!"

_Rose: Sorry about that!_

Smiling upon them with a devilish look in his eye, Jimmy began to sing the song the voices told him to sing.

"How do you do?" he started.

"I see you've met my faithful handyman.

He's just a little brought down because

When you knocked

He thought you were… candy… man…"

"He just used candy as a metaphor for heroin!" Emma whispered. "These voices aren't even sane!"

_Rose: Are you seriously just figuring this out?_

"Don't get strung out"

_Rose: On cocaine!_

_Me: That's not even the right drug!_

_Rose: Says you._

"By the way I look

Don't judge a book by its cover

I'm not much of a man by the light of day

_Rose: That's because you're not real!_

"But by night I'm one hell of a lover!"

_Rose: Whatsername knows that!_

"I'm just a sweet transvestite…"

"Oh, so he's a transvestite, too?" Emma asked sarcastically.

"From Transsexual, Transylvania!"

"In that case," Tunny tried to make a joke of things, "I'm glad my dreams turned red, white, and blue when they did. I wouldn't have wanted to go to Transsexual, Transylvania."

"I didn't meet him there!" Johnny shouted from across the room. "The voices told him to say that!"

_Rose: I really hope they don't get sent to an asylum because of us._

_Me: Wow. You just ruined the fun of this._

_Rose: No I didn't._

Jimmy ignored the conversation and proceeded with his song.

"Let me show you around

Maybe play you a sound

You look like you're both pretty groovy

_Rose: It's the bionic leg!_

"Or if you want something visual

That's not to abysmal

We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie!"

_Rose: Keanu Reeves?_

Getting past the awkward moment where he realized Jimmy wasn't a figment of Brad's rage and Johnny's mother's love, Tunny tried to talk some reason into the apparent transvestite.

"Uh, I'm glad we caught you at home," he said nervously. "Could we use your phone? The annoying voices took ours and won't give them back."

"Right," Emma grumbled.

"We'll just say where we are; then go back to the car. We don't mean to be any worry."

_Rose: That didn't even rhyme! Asshole!_

Not listening to a word Tunny said, Jimmy proceeded with his nonsensical yet undeniably catchy song.

"Well, you got caught with a flat, well… how 'bout that?

Well, babies, don't you panic!

By the light of the night, it'll all seem alright.

I'll get you a satanic mechanic!

I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!"

Jimmy positioned himself in a gaudy throne, sat suggestively with his legs hanging off the left arm, and Johnny, Whatsername, and Heather positioned themselves around him.

"Why don't you stay for the night?" he suggested.

"Night!" Johnny echoed.

"Or maybe a bite," Jimmy continued.

"Bite!" Heather chimed in.

"I could show you my favorite… obsession," Jimmy said.

_Rose: DRUGS!_

"I've been making a man…"

_Rose: What's he look like?_

"That's classified…"

_Rose: Emma! You suck at character mapping today! Jimmy, what's he good for?_

"And he's good for relieving my… tension."

_Rose: Same thing as drugs!_

"I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!

Hit it! I'm just a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania!"

He danced his way back to the elevator, and Tunny and Emma followed him. When he hopped inside the contraption, he looked at his two visitors and began to sing again.

_Rose: What do you like to do in your spare time?_

"So!"

Upon realizing just what he'd said, Jimmy broke the character he'd been assigned and looked to the sky (apparently, where he thought the voices lived) with a scowl on his face.

_Rose: HAHAHA, I TRICKED YOU!_

"Come up to the lab," he neglected Rose. "And see what's on the slab. I see you shiver in antici….

"You're going to tell me this isn't a rendition of Dr. Frank N. Furter _now_?" Emma whispered to Tunny, who was too astonished by the fact that Jimmy was real and currently a transvestite to listen to her.

"Pation," he said finally. "But maybe the rain isn't really to blame. So, I'll remove the cause…"

_Rose: What about the symptom?_

"But not the symptom!"

_Rose: Okay, thanks for letting me know!_

And with that, the elevator shot up and transported Jimmy to his supposed lab.

"What are we even supposed to say to that?" Emma asked. "Are we supposed to thank him for that performance? I am not going through the plot of _Rocky Horror_ with someone I was previously told wasn't even real!"

_Rose: What is real?_

_Me: Thank you, Morpheus, for that marvelous philosophical contribution._

_Rose: It's not my fault we watched _Rocky Horror_ and _The Matrix_ on the same day, and that's what gave us this ridiculous idea!_

_Me: Yes it is!_

_Rose: That doesn't mean I like to take the blame!_

"I'll make sure you don't have to go through with that," Tunny assured her, even though he figured there wasn't a chance in hell that was possible.

"Tunny, this is awful!"

"You think I don't know it's awful? Look at me. I have to play Brad! Do you have any idea how much it sucks for the voices to yell 'Asshole!' at me every ten seconds?"

_Rose: ASSHOLE!_

"You see?"

"We just need to get out of here before things get worse. I mean, take a glimpse at Johnny. He looks worse than he usually does. He might be wearing a suit, but they've got him in that hideous bald with long, blonde hair on either side Riff Raff look! And Heather has a baby to tend to! They shouldn't be making her tap dance like this!"

"Relax, Emma. We'll just play along for now, I guess, and we'll bust out of here when we get the chance."

"If we get the chance, you mean."

_Rose: I like her. She's smart. It must be an Emma thing!_

_Me: Don't try flattery on either of us. It's not going to get you anywhere._

Heather approached Tunny and Emma and directed them to Jimmy's lab.

"Slowly, slowly," she cautioned them. "It's too nice a job to rush."

"She's not even acting like she knows us," Emma pointed out.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Tunny asked.

"Talk to her!"

"Uh, hi, Heather! It's me, Tunny, and I've got Emma with me. You know, Emma, the girl who flies? The one I told you I was proposing to? Well, I did it, and I was hoping for maybe a congratulations, but you barely even seem to recognize us."

"Sorry, Tun," Heather apologized shortly. "I've gotta keep this part up. It's for your own good as well as mine."

"What does that even _mean_?"

"It means you're very lucky to be asked up to Jimmy's lab. Some people would give their right arm for the privilege."

_Rose: How many people do you think are expecting it to be a meth lab right about now?_

_Me: Probably a lot._

_Rose: *laughs menacingly*_

"Would you give your right arm for it, Heather?" Tunny questioned. "Since you seem to be a little crazier than you usually are, I just figured I'd ask."

"Ha! I've seen it!"

"Well, okay then."

Whatsername waved her arms up and down to signify that things weren't moving quickly enough for her speed. In irritation, she cried out, "Come along, come along! The Master doesn't like to be kept waiting! Shift it!"

"So, Heather," Emma began to make light conversation with someone she thought she knew, "After breaking up with Will and seeing that Jimmy was real, did you decide to be with him or something? Or are you still with your rock-and-roll boyfriend?"

"Ha!" Heather laughed once more.

"Nice try, Emma," Johnny said. "But Jimmy flies solo. Well, he flies solo in the romantic relationship sense, not the 'Oh, I'm your parasite' kind of way. He's not going to settle down. We're all his… servants."

"Oh."

**A/N: This story… this chapter, in particular, is so nuts. I still love it, though. Maybe I'll write something serious in due time. For now, I'm going to "focus" on this parody and laugh my behind off every time I sit down to type it. So, I really haven't figured out who Rocky is yet. I was pushing it by making one of my friends the Criminologist. Any suggestions from anyone who might be reading this? Let me know. Oh, and one thing- I realized that the replacement for "ASSHOLE!" in my earlier chapters wasn't exactly considerate, so I went back and changed it to "ASSHOLE!" again. Unfortunately, doesn't seem to have registered the changes. So, I hope it does. But if it doesn't, I'm sorry about that. I wasn't really thinking.**


	6. Jimmy's Lab

**A/N: So, I picked a Rocky. (: I don't believe we exactly need one at this moment, but I picked one anyway.**

** Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Rocky Horror**_** or **_**American Idiot**_**. If I did, they would both be longer, and Tunny would give a 15-minute ode to me that wouldn't make any sense. **

Jimmy's lab was anything but expected. It was pink… everywhere. It wasn't a bright, bubblegum pink, either. No, it was that mod era bathroom pink that looked like a dull Pepto. Tunny tried to ignore the atrocious color and attempted to focus more on a way to get the hell out of there.

_Rose: What's your favorite color?_

"Whatsername!" Jimmy hollered.

_Me: Nice try, Rosie, but that only works when Frank says Magenta in the movie._

_Rose: Oh, posh. What's your favorite place to buy drugs?_

"Heather!"

_Rose: It would have been more appropriate if he'd said Johnny._

_Me: It wasn't appropriate at all! That only applies if Frank calls for Columbia!_

_Rose: Sorry, boss. I get confused._

"Go and assist Johnny," Jimmy commanded. "In the meantime, I will entertain, uh…."

"Seriously, Jimmy?" Tunny asked. "You lived inside Johnny for an entire year, and you can't remember my name?"

_Rose: Sorry, Tunny, but we're in charge!_

"That's right, isn't it? Ugh, Jimmy, I'm Tunny Sands, and this is my fiancée, Emma Vice."

"Weiss!" Emma objected.

"Weiss."

_Rose: Say something in French, Jimmy!_

"Enchantee," Jimmy greeted his essential hostages.

_Rose: What's it mean?_

"How very nice," Jimmy added.

_Me: That's not what it means._

"What charming underclothes you have."

Confused, Emma and Tunny looked down at themselves and realized that they were completely stripped of their outer clothing shells.

"How the hell did this even happen?" Emma asked.

"When the hell did this even happen?" Tunny supplemented.

_Me: If I had my way, you would have been dressed like this… or lack thereof… at Betty and Ralph's wedding._

"But here," Jimmy offered, handing his alleged guests robes that were probably too intimate for the situation, "put these on. They'll make you feel less… vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, much less offer them our hospitality."

_Rose: HORSE BRUTALITY?_

"Hospitality?" Tunny repeated, shocked that the man who led Johnny into a heroin addiction could honestly think that was what he was distributing. "All I wanted to do was use your phone, goddammit, and you've chosen to ignore that reasonable request!"

"That's a reasonable request?" Jimmy wondered. "Tunny, is this not the twenty-first century, an age where you could have a phone on you at all times?"

_Me: I stole his phone and flooded the memory with pictures of me._

"Oh, I see," Jimmy laughed suggestively. "How very interesting. And how forceful you are, Tunny. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. Well, except for the missing leg, but how else would you have gotten to be that way aside from asserting such masculinity? You're so… dominant. You must be very proud of him, Emma."

_Rose: Are you a hooker?_

"Why, yes I am," Emma answered.

"I see you have quite the array of tattoos, Tunny," Jimmy pointed out. "Why?"

"Reasons!" Tunny answered bluntly.

"Really?" Emma asked dryly. "That's the best you could come up with?"

"I'm not giving him a bunch of long, personal stories as to why I have these tattoos, Emma. Then he'll just get in my head like he did to Johnny."

Johnny then called out to Jimmy. "Everything is in readiness, Master! We merely await your… ORDER… word."

A look of utter ecstasy crossed Jimmy's face, and he proceeded to commence a monologue he didn't even know he knew the words to.

"Tonight!" he cried joyfully. "My unconventional conventionalists, you are to witness a breakthrough in biochemical research and paradise is to be mine! It was strange, the way it happened. Suddenly you get a break, and all the pieces seem to fit into place. What a sucker you've been, what a fool. The answer was there all the time. It took a small accident to make it happen. An accident! And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient… that spark! That is the breath of life. Yes! I have that knowledge.

_Rose: What deodorant do you use?_

_ "_I hold the secret.

_Rose: To life?_

_ "_To life.

_Rose: Itself?_

"Itself!"

As they were supposed to, the two disembodied forces used their prop noisemakers at this time.

_Rose: F!_

"You see," Jimmy continued…

_Rose: K spells fuck!_

"You are fortunate, for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be born! Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator and step up the reactor power input three more points!"

Begrudgingly, Johnny obeyed his constant master's commands. As he did so, he wondered why Jimmy always had to be the one giving him orders. Maybe, if they gave the part to somebody different once in a while, he really wouldn't mind being basically possessed.

"Oh, Tunny, we can never get out of here now!" Emma complained.

"It's okay, Emma, we can make it through this," Tunny assured her, even though he wasn't at all convinced.

The mummified creature in the basin began to shake. Psychedelic images like moons, unicorns, and rainbows began to float up from the inside out. Satisfied with the result, Jimmy smirked to himself and said just one sentence.

"They might have had Rocky, but not even that fine specimen could possibly compare to Theo."

**A/N: So, yeah, I made Theo be Rocky. I thought that'd be kind of funny. This chapter is short. It only took me a little over a half an hour to write. Maybe I'll start on the next one in a few minutes! Just maybe. **


End file.
